Top 10 Reasons why I “hate” my Kids…

Children: Little humans who control your life.

Let’s face it, everything changes when these little people enter our lives. They literally take over everything and everyone once they arrive on planet earth.

They are sent to torture us daily in cute clothing and control our every move with loud screams and sweet giggles.

You are obligated to a life that includes a lack of sleep. You are deprived of chocolate (because toddlers steal chocolate) and you become addicted to coffee – just for survival!

They come with lots of laundry, poop and tantrums. They will make you sweat and work like a slave for 24 hours straight – without a raise or break.

Why on earth would anyone in their right mind want to have kids?

1. They have the worst smiles. Ever.

Their smiles are a trick to obviously make me love them even more. These are their weapons of manipulation where every misdemeanour can be forgiven.

– even when this little human poops all over my hand while I’m trying to change him. Then when I want to scream, he turns on that smile and well I can’t help but love him back.

2. Evil laughs.

The belly laughs are the worst.

It’s distracting and contagious. I have no choice but to laugh even when I have food in my hair and dark circles under my eyes.

3. Mesmerizing eyes.

This is a serious problem. Every time I look into their eyes, I’m turned into that zombie that will say yes to everything.

4. Chubby cheeks and thighs.

This overload of cuteness is hypnotizing. All I want to do is grab them, tickle them and share wet kisses even when there’s food all over their faces and boogers in their noses.

5. Words

They just know when to say it… It makes me weak in the knees.

Those conniving words: “I LOVE YOU MOMMY” changes everything and makes me forget the reason that I was angry! The first time my son uttered the word “MA” made me explode with love.

6. Newborn Smell

It’s a drug that turned me into an addict. All I want to do is sniff my son and smell baby toes the entire day.

7. Cries that make you run

No one ever bossed me around like this before. I’m forced to run as soon as they make a moan because I have no control of my feelings anymore. I feel as if I am on a remote control and they know exactly which buttons to push.

8. Expressions

The look of surprise when my daughter first saw her birthday cake on her birthday and a gift under the tree on Christmas morning – it may have made a hole in my pocket but created the most amazing feeling in my heart.

They make me sing weird songs like: “Baa Baa black sheep” in funny voices just so I can see the expressions on their face and hear their squeaky voices light up the room.

9. Hugs

“There’s nothing that feels quite as good as a hug from your children” – Vicki Reese.

These little humans make me long for hugs for absolutely no reason.

The feeling of having a little body close to mine cannot be described, it’s an out of this world feeling that sucks me in and leaves me wanting more.  

10. Moments

That moment when she walked for the first time or that moment when he giggled uncontrollably and flaunted his gorgeous dimples. I stood there with overflowing tears praying to God to protect them always.

So now you understand why I hate my kids? My kids are amazing. They give me grey hair. Sometimes I feel like pulling my hair out of my head. They make me want to scream. They take me to the next level of fear. They control my every move.

Everything that I do today is in preparation for their future. I don’t even want to look at going shopping any more unless it’s for them. My meals are now planned against their likes and dislikes. My movie choices are cartoons. I have swapped glam heels and clothes for mommy comfort, expensive perfumes for ones that are less likely to make them sneeze.

My tablet has become theirs, my phone is filled with games. My music hour has changed to nursery rhymes. Need I say more… Even my bath time is not sacred…

But… I cannot imagine my life without them. They have infiltrated me and converted me. Their smiles and hugs take away every fear, pain and frustration. They teach me to enjoy life and love every simple thing about it. Going to the pool is not about my bikini body and sunbathing, it’s about watching my kids and splashing in the water.

They make me feel as if I had not lived before. They complete me and leave me longing for more! Soon I will want a soccer team of them – and that I definitely won’t be able to handle on my own.

Kids open you up to things you never knew existed and change you into a soft huggable teddy bear.

My kids leave my feet dirty, my hair messy but my eyes sparkling. They have moved me to a new dimension of love….