A child changes you

Until now I haven’t realized how much my life changed once I became a parent. Chatting to a friend made me think that its time I shared my feelings with you regarding the changes of becoming a parent. When I fell pregnant I was thee happiest girl in the planet like many moms to be. I immediately phoned to make an appointment for my gynae and started eating healthy. I never bothered about gaining weight and I loved eating whatever came my way.

I was lucky enough to have mild morning sickness however I craved all the time especially for desserts. I loved my big belly especially when she used to get the hiccups, I was extremely fascinated at that. I loved every kick even the ones that hurt because it used to make me smile.

The day my water broke, I just got back home from eating macaroons at my favorite restaurant in Sandton city. Kitana was kicking continuously and a few hours later my water broke without any contractions. I had researched quite a bit before making my decision of opting for a normal meds free birth. I watched many vlogs and read many blogs, I was extremely scared but I knew that was what I wanted. Walking into the hospital and telling the nurse I think I’m in labor, made me immediately think is Kitana arriving tonight? Am I ready for this? Will I be a good mother? Hours after being in hospital I was told I had to be induced as I wasn’t contracting.

While being induced, crazy thoughts came through my mind. What if I poop while giving birth? What if they laugh at me? Yea crazy thoughts! Hours later after being induced I was told I will need an emergency c section as Kitana was not moving position and I did not have any water left for her. Immediately my heart sunk, reality hitting me knowing my birthing plans had flew out of the window. I am now going into a plan I never expected. I was terrified. I cried, I laughed and I cried again. Thank God for a loving partner who stood by me throughout the operation.

When I met Kitana for the first time, I thought to myself: “Wow she’s mine!” Those big black eyes staring into mine, I fell in love with her immediately. A bond was created that will never be broken. My life had changed! From partying till 3am in the morning to breastfeeding at midnight. Life wasn’t the same anymore. I could not go out as I used too. Time with my husband became limited, suddenly there was someone else that needed my attention and love. She needed me to bath and change her, feed her when she was hungry and cuddle with her when she was lonely.

Vije became the second most important person in my life. Was I wrong for doing that, I’m I still wrong for continuing it? Everything changed after Kitana. My body, my hair, my dressing, my lifestyle and my relationship with my husband. I never bothered to comb my hair until recently. I used to live in pjs and still do sometimes. I forget to put earrings on when going out and sometimes I even forget to change my shoe as I’m busy running after a toddler. Many parents tell me you need to set this straight. Yes I do but will Kitana be a toddler forever? I’m not planning on dressing like this forever. To me it’s just the mommy phase and each child makes it easier.

I’m sure not every mother goes through this because I see many mothers at the mall in their high heels pushing the pram.I’m so glad that I have an amazing, understanding husband. We are now stronger than ever and its all because of our baby girl. Our relationship has changed, we are on the next level. We are honest and share the harsh truth with each other even if it hurts because that’s what helps maintain the relationship. Kitana had changed us, changed the way we look at each other.

Yes I do agree, Moms need to look good and keep it sexy in the bedroom but when you up half of the night and being messed with poop early in the morning, the last thing on your mind is putting make-up. I dress up when I feel like and it’s not all the time, I’ve realized that my life has changed but that doesn’t mean it isn’t for the better. I’ve decided to become a mom on a mission! Mission to help other moms like me get their groove back. I haven’t used high heels in the past 2 years and I’ve wanted to try on one. So whose with me? We have 2 choices:

1. Live life regretting
2. Life life fulfilled

I’m not saying put on makeup everyday or go clubbing every night. Im saying do date nights! Do bff nights! You are allowed to have fun, even thou you will be sitting there texting your babysitter to find out if everything is okay.

A mom will always be a mom and that will never change but your friends will not always be there to hear that excuses. As time goes you realize your friends you had before a baby are slowly slipping away. Is that a good or bad thing? I still wonder..
They post pictures of them busy partying and here I am at home sitting next to a sleeping toddler. Do I regret that? No! Do I want to party now? Maybe but nothing is more important than my family. There will be a time where she and I will be partying together 🙂

Change can be good or bad, it all depends how you portray it. A child is a blessing but your husband is a gift. I’ve learnt they both need to be on the same level of importance for me. They both share a bond with me. I want to keep that and let it grow. Vije and I have gone out more often and we’ve become best friends. 3 years into our marriage and it seems like we are on honeymoon except with a baby 😛