A child changes you

Until now I haven’t realized how much my life changed once I became a parent. Chatting to a friend made me think that its time I shared my feelings with you regarding the changes of becoming a parent. When I fell pregnant I was thee happiest girl in the planet like many moms to be. I immediately phoned to make an appointment for my gynae and started eating healthy. I never bothered about gaining weight and I loved eating whatever came my way.

I was lucky enough to have mild morning sickness however I craved all the time especially for desserts. I loved my big belly especially when she used to get the hiccups, I was extremely fascinated at that. I loved every kick even the ones that hurt because it used to make me smile.



The day my water broke, I just got back home from eating macaroons at my favorite restaurant in Sandton city. Kitana was kicking continuously and a few hours later my water broke without any contractions. I had researched quite a bit before making my decision of opting for a normal meds free birth. I watched many vlogs and read many blogs, I was extremely scared but I knew that was what I wanted. Walking into the hospital and telling the nurse I think I’m in labor, made me immediately think is Kitana arriving tonight? Am I ready for this? Will I be a good mother? Hours after being in hospital I was told I had to be induced as I wasn’t contracting.

While being induced, crazy thoughts came through my mind. What if I poop while giving birth? What if they laugh at me? Yea crazy thoughts! Hours later after being induced I was told I will need an emergency c section as Kitana was not moving position and I did not have any water left for her. Immediately my heart sunk, reality hitting me knowing my birthing plans had flew out of the window. I am now going into a plan I never expected. I was terrified. I cried, I laughed and I cried again. Thank God for a loving partner who stood by me throughout the operation.

533142_504548189559821_874173028_nWhen I met Kitana for the first time, I thought to myself: “Wow she’s mine!” Those big black eyes staring into mine, I fell in love with her immediately. A bond was created that will never be broken. My life had changed! From partying till 3am in the morning to breastfeeding at midnight. Life wasn’t the same anymore. I could not go out as I used too. Time with my husband became limited, suddenly there was someone else that needed my attention and love. She needed me to bath and change her, feed her when she was hungry and cuddle with her when she was lonely.

Vije became the second most important person in my life. Was I wrong for doing that, I’m I still wrong for continuing it? Everything changed after Kitana. My body, my hair, my dressing, my lifestyle and my relationship with my husband. I never bothered to comb my hair until recently. I used to live in pjs and still do sometimes. I forget to put earrings on when going out and sometimes I even forget to change my shoe as I’m busy running after a toddler. Many parents tell me you need to set this straight. Yes I do but will Kitana be a toddler forever? I’m not planning on dressing like this forever. To me it’s just the mommy phase and each child makes it easier.

I’m sure not every mother goes through this because I see many mothers at the mall in their high heels pushing the pram.I’m so glad that I have an amazing, understanding husband. We are now stronger than ever and its all because of our baby girl. Our relationship has changed, we are on the next level. We are honest and share the harsh truth with each other even if it hurts because that’s what helps maintain the relationship. Kitana had changed us, changed the way we look at each other.


Yes I do agree, Moms need to look good and keep it sexy in the bedroom but when you up half of the night and being messed with poop early in the morning, the last thing on your mind is putting make-up. I dress up when I feel like and it’s not all the time, I’ve realized that my life has changed but that doesn’t mean it isn’t for the better. I’ve decided to become a mom on a mission! Mission to help other moms like me get their groove back. I haven’t used high heels in the past 2 years and I’ve wanted to try on one. So whose with me? We have 2 choices:

1. Live life regretting
2. Life life fulfilled

I’m not saying put on makeup everyday or go clubbing every night. Im saying do date nights! Do bff nights! You are allowed to have fun, even thou you will be sitting there texting your babysitter to find out if everything is okay.

A mom will always be a mom and that will never change but your friends will not always be there to hear that excuses. As time goes you realize your friends you had before a baby are slowly slipping away. Is that a good or bad thing? I still wonder..
They post pictures of them busy partying and here I am at home sitting next to a sleeping toddler. Do I regret that? No! Do I want to party now? Maybe but nothing is more important than my family. There will be a time where she and I will be partying together 🙂

Change can be good or bad, it all depends how you portray it. A child is a blessing but your husband is a gift. I’ve learnt they both need to be on the same level of importance for me. They both share a bond with me. I want to keep that and let it grow. Vije and I have gone out more often and we’ve become best friends. 3 years into our marriage and it seems like we are on honeymoon except with a baby 😛


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Hi, I’m Shan. I’m a wife, mom to 3 kids and a businesswoman who works from home and gets very little sleep at night. My days are filled with dirty diapers and toddler tantrums, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything else. I am in the Forbes 30 under 30 list for Forbes Africa 2019 and just recently launched my start-up – MomSays.

Find me on: Web | Twitter | Instagram | Facebook


  1. 2014-01-28 / 13:22

    This is a great post! And I agree with you on so many points. My little girl has just turned 3 and I am now in a place where I want to get my groove back. Yes, it was lost for a while, but Cara will only be a little girl once. And she is growing up so fast. Being a calm and relaxed mom who was there for every smile, burp, milestone etc and doing it in pj’s and sans make-up was more important to me. Luckily I also have an amazing husband who understood this. I haven’t worn heels in over 3 years… I will join you in living a fulfilled life and getting that groove back :)xx

    • Shan
      2014-02-04 / 20:34

      Hi Charlie, thanks for the comment. I’m so glad I’m not the only one that thinks this way. It’s great to hear how moms feel about this! Lots of love.

  2. Sarah
    2014-04-30 / 09:15

    I’ve just had my 2nd child, Ethan, and boy did it turn everything upside down again. They say having a 2nd is difficult but what I hadn’t expected was how it would affect my marriage. It has been a difficult few weeks and add family interference – and it almost ended us. I think you said it well when you say you and your husband have been honest with each other even when it hurts. That’s what I have been through and we have come out the other end not completely unscathed but in a stronger place. Men do get jealous, they are as needy as your children, and focus does need to be on your husband because if that relationship fails there is no family. I’ve been trying to make more effort to feel confident in myself because my happiness does affect my relationships but I would say with your 1st child just chill, enjoy your mommy status and don’t panic about weight and looks. As Charlie said, a time will come when you are in the right place to focus on yourself, and until then don’t lose sight of yourself too much, still stay confident and this phase is only for a short time. Enjoy the heels!

    • Shan
      2014-05-01 / 12:06

      Thank you Sarah, its great to hear from moms and learn. I’ve just started going out more often and wearing heels, I’m loving it. I feel so much better now. Thanks for reading.

      I love when you said: “Focus does need to be on your husband because if that relationship fails there is no family.”

      Thats so true!

  3. 2014-04-30 / 13:22

    A much needed post. Motherhood definitely changes how you spend your time, but if you are clever you can still fit in time for yourself and partner.

    • Shan
      2014-05-01 / 12:07

      I agree, its all about time management Heather. Im finally learning the trick to it. Thanks for reading.

  4. 2014-10-18 / 12:58

    Oh my this sounds so similar to me. I also had emergency C section. I was induced as well. My baby was distress . I was not dilating. And wow it has changed my life Heels have been lying at the back of my closet. And yes u will also sometimes find me in Pjs. And i tend to know use much looser clothing. Unlike before.

    • Shan
      2014-10-18 / 22:05

      Aaaah then you know exactly what I’m saying! Glad to know I’m not alone.

  5. 2014-10-18 / 18:08

    Yes, right. You often find yourself in a constant battle between near-sanity and the happiness of your family, lol. I have to find the thin line between letting my baby girl throw all the sofa pillows on the floor after I cleaned up and just being happy that she’s here having a good time. I usually just let her have her fun and then stay up late picking up the pieces of my nearly lost sanity. 🙂

    • Shan
      2014-10-18 / 22:04

      LOL it gets worse as they get older! My 2 year old messes the entire house, I have to stay calm… If I clean, 5 minutes later it ends up the same. I gave up!

  6. 2014-10-19 / 04:15

    Children change you so much. And the years go by so quickly. Keep enjoying the little stage. It goes by too quickly. 🙂

  7. 2014-10-20 / 01:24

    Wonderful post! Our eldest is 2.4 years old. We also have our youngest which is 10 months. Not much of a break in between. I have learned to relax and to let things go in order to create more family time plus some mommy time. It is not easy at times however I wouldn’t have it any other way 🙂

  8. 2014-10-20 / 04:38

    I’m with you on seeing pictures of my childless friends traveling and exploring- things that I don’t do because I have two little ones. But I would never trade them for that because I get to have my own crazy fun adventures with them and that is just as special to me.

  9. 2014-10-20 / 04:57

    These pictures are beautiful. Love reading about your experiences.

  10. 2014-10-20 / 23:01

    Great perspective and your photos are adorable 🙂

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