This post was written by Guest blogger – Natasha.
It has been about 7 years now since I have had my first miscarriage. It was scary. I remember just finding out that I was pregnant and I was already 12 weeks. That Friday I started bleeding and the next thing that I knew was that a little baby – the size of a new R5 coin fell out into my underwear. My daughter was in my hands….
I cried that day. I was haemorrhaging and my heart was bleeding. I was saddened but I knew that God was in control and he would not allow anything to happen that was not for my good. That being said – it did not take away the pain. I knew that this precious life that was growing in me was a girl… How? I cannot say but deep inside I also sensed that there was something wrong.
I remember going to my gynae and telling him that I didn’t want to sit because I would mess his chair and his response was; “Mrs M, you were not pregnant so you could not have had a miscarriage.” I showed him my little girl and he immediately booked me into theatre for a D&C ( Dilation and Curettage). It was more expensive than having a baby.
As traumatic as this was – it was nothing compared to the rejection that I had experienced from my mother-in-law who thought that there was something wrong with me for having a miscarriage.
SO why am I sharing this? Well recently my cousin had a miscarriage and she was devastated. She still hasn’t recovered so in the hope of helping I am writing this. Having miscarriage does not mean that there is something wrong with you…
Life isn’t always fair and sometimes we may want to question everything.
Do we realise that we only see what affects us now..?
Let us look at the bigger picture. Many miscarriages occur because the body rejects the baby or the baby did not survive. What if that little angel was born, and he/she was not well? It is all well and good to say that we would cope with it – if only we could hold our little babies. But would we? After years of caring what would that little life be like – what quality of life would he/she have?
We live in a critical society, imagine the pain.
Am I sounding cruel? I hope not. I want you to know that you are not alone on this journey. No-one has a right to criticise you. We are human. We are mothers. We are allowed to care and to grieve. We are here to love…. We need to cry and mourn but we need to let go.
Your baby will come and your blessings. My cousin is desperate for a child and this has been a major loss because circumstances made her question herself. Could she have done anything to change the outcome? I believe that analysing it and questioning it won’t change it.
We form a bond with our babies even in utero. We need to release that bond and move on. As moms, we need to realise that we are also wives and our husbands have also suffered a loss. We may need to be strong for them too.
A miscarriage is not a mistake, it is a medical condition not just an arbitrary choice. It is something that happens and needs to be dealt with. How do you cope? You need a support group and people to talk to. Don’t bottle it up and let it fester, instead allow love to heal you. Don’t be afraid to fall pregnant again. Embrace it! Be a little more careful if you wish but don’t carry around guilt. It is unwanted baggage that festers…
Be the mom that you need to be not the one that everyone expects.