A miscarriage is not a mistake…


This post was written by Guest blogger – Natasha.

It has been about 7 years now since I have had my first miscarriage. It was scary. I remember just finding out that I was pregnant and I was already 12 weeks. That Friday I started bleeding and the next thing that I knew was that a little baby – the size of a new R5 coin fell out into my underwear. My daughter was in my hands….

I cried that day. I was haemorrhaging and my heart was bleeding. I was saddened but I knew that God was in control and he would not allow anything to happen that was not for my good. That being said – it did not take away the pain. I knew that this precious life that was growing in me was a girl… How? I cannot say but deep inside I also sensed that there was something wrong.

A miscarriage is not a mistake…

I remember going to my gynae and telling him that I didn’t want to sit because I would mess his chair and his response was; “Mrs M, you were not pregnant so you could not have had a miscarriage.” I showed him my little girl and he immediately booked me into theatre for a D&C ( Dilation and Curettage). It was more expensive than having a baby.

As traumatic as this was – it was nothing compared to the rejection that I had experienced from my mother-in-law who thought that there was something wrong with me for having a miscarriage.

SO why am I sharing this? Well recently my cousin had a miscarriage and she was devastated. She still hasn’t recovered so in the hope of helping I am writing this. Having miscarriage does not mean that there is something wrong with you…

Life isn’t always fair and sometimes we may want to question everything.

Do we realise that we only see what affects us now..?

Let us look at the bigger picture. Many miscarriages occur because the body rejects the baby or the baby did not survive. What if that little angel was born, and he/she was not well? It is all well and good to say that we would cope with it – if only we could hold our little babies. But would we? After years of caring what would that little life be like – what quality of life would he/she have?

A miscarriage is not a mistake…

We live in a critical society, imagine the pain.

Am I sounding cruel? I hope not. I want you to know that you are not alone on this journey. No-one has a right to criticise you. We are human. We are mothers. We are allowed to care and to grieve. We are here to love…. We need to cry and mourn but we need to let go.

Your baby will come and your blessings. My cousin is desperate for a child and this has been a major loss because circumstances made her question herself. Could she have done anything to change the outcome? I believe that analysing it and questioning it won’t change it.

A miscarriage is not a mistake…

We form a bond with our babies even in utero. We need to release that bond and move on. As moms, we need to realise that we are also wives and our husbands have also suffered a loss. We may need to be strong for them too.

A miscarriage is not a mistake, it is a medical condition not just an arbitrary choice. It is something that happens and needs to be dealt with. How do you cope? You need a support group and people to talk to. Don’t bottle it up and let it fester, instead allow love to heal you. Don’t be afraid to fall pregnant again. Embrace it! Be a little more careful if you wish but don’t carry around guilt. It is unwanted baggage that festers…

Be the mom that you need to be not the one that everyone expects.


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That Friday I started bleeding and the next thing that I knew was that a little baby – the size of a new R5 coin fell out into my underwear. My daughter was in my handS.

Hi, I’m Shan. I’m an entrepreneur and a sucker for good adventures. I was listed in Forbes Africa 30 under 30 2019 and just recently launched my start-up – MomSays.

Find me on: Web | Twitter | Instagram | Facebook


  1. 2015-08-07 / 11:51

    Shame it’s so sad to go through a miscarige my first one was at 14 weeks pregnant it was such a hard knock. I remeber crying in the hospital bed and nurse saying to the lady next to me, asking if she had a good sleep with all my crying saying it needs to stop I rember the lady telling who what was wrong and I had every right to feel that way but that nurse was so unsympathetic I felt alone sad like my world was tumbling down then a year later fell pregmant with my son and and after my son had 4 miscariges after him before 8 weeks each time it got a little easier to handle emotionally but I just couldn’t get answers why it was happening to me all I knew was that I should be lucky to be blessed with one child and that kept me going. I’m so glad a miracle happened and this current baby is sticking around.

    • Liezle Botha
      2016-09-06 / 15:48

      Good luck!

  2. 2015-08-07 / 16:06

    <3 What a deeply sad story – thank you for sharing.

  3. 2015-08-11 / 12:00

    Reading ur story and looking at my baby i just dropped a tear .I think the pain of loosing a child is the same, whether u held them or not. Am sorry abt ur loss

  4. 2015-08-11 / 12:01

    There is no pain like it especially when u were looking foward to hold that bundle of joy jn your arms i still think about it and wonder. What if

  5. 2015-08-11 / 12:01

    That’s heart breaking but God would have never brought you this far to leave you . You’ve made it for seven years and still going strong we migth not understand your pain but we’ll keep you in our prayers

  6. 2015-08-11 / 12:11

    I’m sorry for your loss dear. God knows why but I know in time He will bless you again. Keep the faith

  7. 2015-08-11 / 12:12

    Oh gosh, I am so so sorry this happened to you. Hugs from Cape Town.xx

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