Mom Diaries

I Cut My Tubes And Now I Regret It…

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Ever since I cut my tubes, I haven’t been feeling like myself…

Don’t worry, I’m fine physically – the procedure went as planned but emotionally, I am breaking down…

Could it be a combination of postpartum hormones that is causing me to feel this way?

There have been a few nights when I woke up thinking about how easy it was to get my tubes cut but how hard it has been for me to stop thinking about it.

Am I overthinking this?

I did the most permanent birth control option there is available – only because my I fell pregnant while I was on my pill for my last born – he is now 2-months-old.

The correct term for getting your tubes tied or cut is Tubal ligation. This procedure blocks the sperm from reaching the fallopian tubes to meet an egg.

tubes

There are three different ways of doing this:

You can either get your tubes tied which can be reopened at a later stage, get them tied and cut or you can get them cut and burnt which cannot be undone.

There is a slight chance of you falling pregnant after this procedure especially if your tubes are tied but it is a very small chance if the procedure is done correctly.

birth control

When I found out that I was pregnant with my third child, I freaked out!

It was hard to come to terms with the fact that I was going to be a mom of 3 kids and even now, I am still finding it difficult to cope – but I wouldn’t change it.

I look at my son and regret all those moments when I thought twice about having a third child.

Tubes

Copyright © 2017 Kist Photography – Do not copy, alter or edit. www.kistphotography.com

I don’t regret having my third child but I’m not planning to have a fourth child.

I knew cutting and burning my tubes was the right decision to make while I was pregnant, I even discussed it with my doctor during my first pregnancy check-up. I signed the forms a week before my C-Section immediately without thinking twice because I knew it was the right decision to make.

I can’t afford to have another “oopsie” but now… the feeling of knowing I can never have more kids makes my heart ache.

I feel empty… more like incomplete.

A part of me is gone.

I let someone cut into my body and change it. On purpose.

tubes

Copyright © 2017 Kist Photography – Do not copy, alter or edit. www.kistphotography.com

We did the procedure moments after my son was born in theatre… It was like I said hello to new life but then said goodbye to my womanhood.

I keep wondering what IF I had just one more?

I always wanted a big family because I am the only child.

But then I remind myself that even if I wanted too, I just couldn’t. It wasn’t in my budget…

In today’s world, it is so hard to even have two kids especially if you don’t have a good stable job. The cost of nappies and school fees is ridiculous…

Cutting and burning my tubes was the right decision for me after all but I just did not realize how it would affect me emotionally.

No one talks about this part.

There are many pros to getting your tubes tied but then there’s just that one con … a con that can affect you even years after doing the procedure.

REGRET – Knowing that your chances of having future babies are over.

tubes

It’s a big decision to make and the one thing that I have learned from this process is that you should not make the decision too quickly because this is forever.

Would I change this decision? Probably not – but would I be truly human, truly a woman if I did not feel that twinge of regret ….

Comments

comments

3 Comments

  1. Anushka Moonilal

    Anushka Moonilal

    August 28, 2017 at 14:33

    I got put under a lot of pressure to have a ligation during the pregnancy of my 3rd baby. This from my parents and various family members. My hubby and I didn’t think it was an option I should go for. Not that we wanted a fourth baby but just that it should be my decision. I wasn’t comfortable with taking such drastic measures and I know i would regret it if I had it done. Almost 2 years later I am glad I didn’t. My question: “why can’t guys have a vasectomy?” If anything when there’s a chance for birth control for men to do shouldn’t they be stepping up? A woman sacrifices so much for life, her family and herself even, men should be able to do this one simple thing if they can. Just my opinion.

  2. Anco

    August 29, 2017 at 00:25

    I am going through exactly the same thing? I had my son in March, only 15 months after much daughter, I also asked to have my tubes tied, I am only 29 years old. Now I am in such agony, I should’ve never done it, I don’t know how I am going to accept this, never to feel that exitement when your test shows a positive result or the first scan and I can go on. I am actually in so much pain (emotionally) that I am having pregnancy symptoms, all the way from being late on my period to my breastmilk decreasing to almost nothing in 3 days. My heart aches so much

  3. Melissa Javan

    September 16, 2017 at 10:09

    You’re a great mother, from what I read. It’s good that you address these feelings. Thank you for sharing.

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