Dear Non-Parent

Today, I want to chat about something that’s been on my mind for the last 2 years. As a former non-parent, I understand your situation and where you are coming from. However, I just wish you would understand me and this phase in my life. I know that many of you are my friends and you might get offended with this post but please understand, I only want you to know how I feel. I think that I need to share my perspective – not being critical – just realistic.

Now, I get that you have no curfew and can party till whatever time you want but the next time you plan a catch-up session, would you please consider us mommies… we have different schedules and I can’t sleep in the next day. 😉

Drinks at 8pm on a Friday night just does not work for me – remember I have a newborn who sleeps at 7 pm and a toddler who sleeps at 8 pm.

Unfortunately dinner at 7 pm on a weekday is also a no-no. My daughter has school the following day. Could we rather meet at a kid friendly place during the day or on a weekend because then you can also meet my child?

To my wife now that you're a mom

I know you think that I need to leave my child at home but when you become a parent, you will understand not everything is so simple.

Please don’t tell me: “It must be so easy being a work from home mom” because it isn’t.

Don’t judge me at the mall when you see me in sweatpants with uncombed hair. I see you… walking past staring at me while I try to calm down my screaming child.

Don’t ask me why I look so tired or why I’m always late… I always look tired because I hardly sleep and I’m always late because I have 5 million things to do before I leave home.

I envy you when I see you walking down the aisle in the grocery store with high heels carrying just 1 bag while I struggle with 5 shoppings bags and a hyperactive toddler who’s crying for sesame oil (God knows why!).

I really do get offended when you say: “I didn’t invite you because I knew you wouldn’t come”. I thought we are friends?! Even though I see you once in a blue moon… I’d like to know you still consider me your friend…

I get that you don’t understand the changes parenting brings, but I want you to know that even though I’m 5kgs bigger with 2 kids, I’m still me.

Dear Non-Parents

I’d like to give you a peek into my life so that you understand how much easier you have it.

A Non-Parent Leaving the house for a date:

Grab purse, keys and cell phone. Final check in the mirror. Open the door. Exit!

Parents leaving the house for a date:

Makes sure the house is clean, kids fed, dishes washed and nappies changed. Search for the purse. Kiss a crying child goodbye. Come back in because I forget to take the purse. Try to leave. Finally leave after half an hour of dribbling and calming down the sad screaming toddler.


Drinks with friends, dinner and maybe a movie or a night out on the town.


Cook dinner. Eat dinner. Clean kitchen. Bath the kids. Run behind the kids trying to change them. Drag the kids to bed. Promise husband that tonight is the night but then end up snoring in bed while he waits… Drool all over the pillow until my child wakes me up in the middle of the night for milk. Wake up early in the morning to feed hungry kids because no one else will do it. Duh.

Besides everything I mentioned above, there’s one sentence that really annoys me; “When I get kids, I will make sure ……………. I will still do the things I did as a non-parent. I won’t change like you.

Dear Non-Parent

Hmmmm…. We shall see about that! 🙂

Please call me when that happens.

Happy weekend. 😉

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Hi, I’m Shan. I’m an entrepreneur and a sucker for good adventures. I was listed in Forbes Africa 30 under 30 2019 and just recently launched my start-up – MomSays.

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