I’m not ashamed of WHO I AM any more!!!

I feel like I can finally breathe – everything that has eaten me up inside for years is finally being revealed on my blog bit by bit.

It is hard to open up especially on the internet… but to me – you are so much more than just a “viewer” –  you are like family. Honestly, a couple of months ago I thought that I had to only write about parenting and how crazy motherhood is – because that was the biggest reason you visited my blog.

But today, there’s so much more that I want to tell you – things that don’t include my kids. I’m still not sure as to how much I should reveal here but I feel as if we are all on this journey together, and from the previous comments, many of you can relate to me.

We are all in this together. We struggle and we overcome.

Today I want you to know the REAL Shan.

WHO I AM

I was never a confident person even though sometimes it may have come across that way. You see I’ve learned to be a great pretender. Put on a mask. Pretend… But now, I am slowly learning to love myself and love the way that God created me.

My last post got an overwhelming response and I still cannot believe how many moms felt the same way that I did. I am going through the comments and will reply to every single person. I promise.

Last week was insane because we pitched You, Baby and I at a start-up competition called Seedstars. Unfortunately, we didn’t win but I learned so much about myself and I confronted my biggest fear – speaking to a room full of strangers.

WHO I AM

I used to be scared to voice my opinion, I used to be scared to say what I was feeling but all that is about to change… thanks to you!

I want you to know that I am here, always! To chat, to call and to email. We are FAMILY.

I am not ASHAMED of who I am any more AND I’m not going to sugar coat what I think any more.

Growing up, in school when other kids asked me about my family I always mentioned both my parents even though my dad died when I was 8-years-old. It hurt saying out loud that I didn’t have a father.

I wasn’t ready to admit to myself that I was fatherless.

I felt ashamed telling people that I didn’t even get to know my father properly.

It was extremely hard for me to say goodbye to him.

We never really had the opportunity to bond. I didn’t have the chance to take out many pictures with him and the truth is I don’t even know what his favourite colour was.

All I have are vague memories which are not enough.

My kids will never know their granddad and I don’t even have much to say to them about him.

I grew up surrounded by cousins, aunties, and uncles who were very supportive towards my mom and I but that someone important was always missing.

I think that his death messed me up, and I honestly did not realize this until recently when I came across an old photo of us. I avoided speaking about him and his family for many years because I was angry and disappointed.

The truth is that his family never bothered about me even when my dad was living. I never had the typical loving relationship with my grandparents because I was never good enough for them.

After my dad died, everyone in his family forgot about me – everyone except one aunt who still keeps in contact on social media but for me, that is not enough.

I am not ashamed to say this any more because the truth shouldn’t be hidden. They need to know that their actions affected me!

I’m not ashamed of WHO I AM any more!!!

I’ve learned so much about family and relationships over the years that today I can say that I value my relationship with my mom so much more. She is my pillar of strength and I will cross the ocean for her if I can because if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

I am not ashamed any more to say I was brought up by a single parent! I am PROUD!

No everyone knows the sacrifices a single parent makes to give their kids the best.

My mom went through a lot but she still managed to remain strong and keep it all together – something I am still figuring out to do.

Don’t be ashamed to tell your story, it might help someone else heal…

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12 Comments

  1. 2016-07-11 / 23:01

    Oh, I am so proud of you! Everything that has happened to you or will happen to you makes up who you are. Never be ashamed of that! <3

    • 2016-07-18 / 11:13

      Thank you so much! It was a hard story to share.

  2. 2016-07-12 / 02:12

    You go girl!! You should not be ashamed of who you are!! We all could use a dose of that! We should be happy with who were are because we were all made to be different for a reason!!

  3. 2016-07-12 / 18:54

    You are amazing. And I am glad you found a way to work through this and not be ashamed of anything, you have no reason to be!

  4. 2016-07-13 / 01:00

    It’s very inspiring to read your story. Your Mom absolutely raised you well!

  5. 2016-07-13 / 04:22

    Thank you for sharing. I can’t imagine how hard this was for you. I didn’t exactly have the best relationship with my dad growing up. My parents had a super confusing on off again relationship. I now know some of the truth but it doesn’t change how I felt growing up.

  6. 2016-07-13 / 16:51

    Things happen for a reason. My son lost his dad when he was only 3 and never had any memories of him. Consider yourself blessed that you at least have some memories of him.

    • 2016-07-18 / 11:08

      🙁 Eish so sorry! Yes I am going too…

  7. 2016-07-16 / 19:15

    I was raised by many people. My father was there but a lot of time we were left with other relatives. I haven’t seen my mom since I was six years old. Nothing to do with her not wanting to. It’s just the way things are. I can’t even say that I was raised by a single parent in my situation. I’m just thankful that today I can be there for my kids in every way possible. I pray I can give them the love and attention that I graved as a child.

    • 2016-07-18 / 11:10

      Thanks for sharing your story! You amazing! #WEarebeautifulandSTRONG!

  8. 2016-07-16 / 20:14

    You should always be proud of who you are! All of our life experiences lead us to become the adults we are. We’re all flawed and have baggage but we’re all special.

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