Motherhood makes you emotional

Is it me or does motherhood make you all emotional?

Yesterday I left Kitana for an hour and when I was leaving… all I heard was a loud cry screaming: “Mommmmmmy”! I couldn’t look back… I said: “Mommy is coming soon” and left.

The reason I couldn’t look back is because I felt like if I did, I would stay at home… or end up crying with her. Before becoming a mother, I always thought it would be easy to leave your child and go but now I understand how difficult it is. You actually feel guilty for making your child cry so much even though at times you have no choice. I know it’s always best to say goodbye to them before you leave but 98% of the time for me it ends with tears.

When Kitana is sick, I feel sick too. When she falls, I feel the pain. When she smiles, I smile too.

Motherhood is a beautiful bond that will never be replaced, the emotions a mother feels because of a child is uncontrollable.

“Words cannot do justice to motherhood; to the trials and tribulations, the joy and heart expansion that comes with it. Motherhood is a part of life that needs to be experienced in order to be fully understood, and even then, it is difficult to fully realize the breadth of this gift.” – CAT O’CONNOR 

Photo Credit: www.mindbodygreen.com

Photo Credit: www.mindbodygreen.com

Every minute I’m away from her, I feel like I’m a bad mom. Is it because I’m a stay at home mom and she’s so attached to me? OR is it because I can’t let go off her?

I’ve started to realise being at home makes a child clingy. I spend most of my day with her so if I’m missing for a minute, she’s searching for me. Sometimes it becomes overwhelming, I feel like I need some space and wish I could lock the bathroom door but when I do get it that few minutes to myself, I’m busy thinking about her. Is it because she’s my first child? Could it be because I’m still breastfeeding? Weaning isn’t wonderful or easy, it’s my biggest roller coaster of emotions at the moment. I’m stuck in a situation that I’m not sure how to solve and I’m feeling it emotionally. No one around me understands, everyone says you can stop if you really want to… Yes I want to but how do I leave my child for 3 days and go? (Paed prescribed that). To me it’s torture.

Motherhood is an overload of emotions. We always have mixed feelings and are never satisfied with one. Sometimes I’m happy and angry. I never thought that was possible until I started having sleepless nights. I’m pleased to hear my daughter call me “mom” early in the morning but I’m angry that she didn’t let me sleep last night.

One second you’re up and next you’re down, most of the time I have no idea what I am doing! Sometimes I’m too exhausted to care and other times I feel like I’m super mom who can go on for 24 hours straight. I’ve learnt to live in the moment, figure things out as time goes by. Each day is different and there’s more good days than bad. I’m the only person that can solve the problem and I need to deal with it my way!

Every time I hear Kitana saying mommy, my heart melts…

We have so many emotions but the feeling of pure love can’t be beaten.

Article featured on Huffington Post.

601952_681690908512214_1584723125_n

Facebook Comments
Follow:

26 Comments

  1. Yashmitha Padayachee
    2014-10-20 / 09:41

    Ditto. There are so many emotions that us mums dont share to each other about motherhood – that is why I’ve labelled myself an “OPTIMISTIC REALIST” so when asked for advice, I always lay out real life in all its naked glory, with a special side of whipped cream to show that its hard but totally doable and worth it.
    I could talk for hours on the comflicted emotions you mentined. its tough, and its tougher, when you have to defend your actions to people around you that dont understand, that you are a loving caring mother and you do love your child, but at this moment in time, when you’re really really exhausted and stressed and spread so thin, “terderness” is difficult. And you will feel guilty about it in 5 minutes, and summon up all that you have and become “the worlds best mummy ever” and you continue with the hugging and the playing :)……

    i’m going to stop there,like i said i can talk forever about conflicted emotions……

    Yash
    PS – what about fear – no body ever told me how paranoid and fearful you become as a parent!!!!!!

    • 2014-10-21 / 09:01

      I don’t think it’s solely being at home that makes a child clingy. My eldest only started school at 2 and she has always been quite independent and unphased if I had to leave her with someone. My youngest will be starting school next year – she’s just turned 2 – but from birth she has been more attached to me and doesn’t like being left with people she doesn’t know well. Don’t feel guilty for needing time away from her – for your own sanity, it’s necessary. 🙂

      • 2014-10-21 / 11:36

        Thanks Melanie, I felt so guilty thinking I caused this, you helped me feel a bit better. I guess its just the way she is. Thanks for reading.

    • 2014-10-21 / 16:20

      I love reading your views, thanks for sharing and reading. 🙂

  2. 2014-10-21 / 12:41

    I attended the Angelcare seminar last week and one of the stands featured a wrap that promoted Kangaroo Care I looked at the pic on the wrap and started crying simply because my girls arent that small anymore. I think the woman thought I was a nutter standing there bawling about a picture. This would never have happened before my blessings were born. I agree Live in the moment and also enjoy the little things!!!!

  3. 2014-10-21 / 12:44

    PS- Shes not clingy because you stay at home, shes clingy because she loves you and loves being with you. My girls go to school and literally attach themselves to my legs when they are home. Shes just letting you know that she loves being with you and wants all of her moms attention all the time. Its exhausting for sure but wont last forever 🙁 Enjoy it now but also take time for yourself Youre allowed to You will go insane if you dont!!! Iy doesnt mean your a bad mom it just means youre human 😉

    • 2014-10-21 / 12:53

      You always know what to say Tina, thank you for sharing your story and advice with me. LOL I know, its like now I cry more often…haha motherhood definitely does some strange things to us. We cry when we happy, sad and even when we angry! Glad to hear I’m not the only one who is going through this.

  4. Lauren
    2014-10-21 / 12:54

    Don’t be so hard on yourself Shan! I’m in the nasty habit of crying for the most stupid things. An advert on the TV or seeing someone old and struggling or a baby that looks sad. My emotions are raw. And I’m a working mom. Isn’t it amazing that the phrase stay-at-home-mom and working-mom are used so often? You don’t see people using stay-at-home-wife or working-wife to classify themselves (house execs are totally different!). I am much more of a mooshball because of Rosie but I’m proud of it. You’re doing a stellar job just keep on keeping on! Oh and Rosie has also started with the separation anxiety. It’s all part and parcel of their development. We’ll be fine XOX

    • 2014-10-21 / 16:26

      Thanks Lauren, you always know what to say :)! You need to send me some pictures of sweet Rosie.

  5. 2014-10-21 / 15:45

    Well written. You gave yourself good advise! One moment at a time, one day at a time – you have to do it your way, and remember there is indeed more good than there is bad. You’re an excellent mom – the best she’s got 🙂

    Coffee date next week!

    http://www.mrsrogero.com

    • 2014-10-21 / 16:21

      Thanks doll, you always make me feel better :)… I guess we have ‘those’ days.

  6. 2014-10-21 / 15:45

    After I had my little one, I swear I cried over everything! I still get all emotional and could cry in an instance but I’ve learned to control it better. We are all alike!

  7. 2014-10-21 / 16:05

    Motherhood has definitely softened me up and made me more emotional (in a good way). It’s amazing how much love you can feel for one little person!

  8. 2014-10-21 / 16:20

    I actually wrote a post talking about this a couple of weeks ago. My son is now 9 months and I’m at SAHM. He’s with me all the time and I just don’t feel ready to have him be taken care by someone else, like it makes me less of a mother. But I need that break! And I did something about it. My parents live 5 hrs away so they don’t see him that often and I decided to spend almost a month with them. It was hard at first but a the end of my trip I was able to go out to the movies, get nails done, get a massage and go bowling. IT was awesome. But the guilt of leaving him behind ate at me a little. But he was fine! We need to step back sometimes to do our jobs better. Good luck!
    Young Love Mommy

    • 2014-10-21 / 16:25

      You right Ellen! I so understand you and think maybe I need to do that too! Thanks for the tip.

  9. 2014-10-21 / 19:41

    I can relate. Whenever I leave my little ones, it is really difficult, a lot harder than I thought it would be before having kids! They tug at the heart strings…

  10. 2014-10-21 / 23:13

    I was just thinking about this today as I cried during the end of Cars when McQueen helped his friend cross the finish line (Hope that wasn’t a spoiler alert?!). I’m soooo emotional. I love the way you put it into words about being happy and angry at the same time sometime. There is nothing like this thing called motherhood and I’m always so honored to be going through it with people in real-life and virtually all connecting about it. That mommy guilt is so real though. I try to remind myself how it’s a really good thing for everybody when mommy heads to yoga or any other little “break”, while we miss them so anyway. Thank you for this post!

  11. 2014-10-21 / 23:16

    It is hard being a mom. I heard it once being compared to your heart walking around outside your body. I never imagined how hard it would be to hear your child cry or be upset for any reason. I work from home and I don’t know if staying home makes them clingy, but I would rather my child cling to me than a nanny. It is emotionally draining, but it is a luxury not every mom gets to enjoy. Hang in there, mama, it gets better.

  12. christinemhutchinson
    2014-10-22 / 16:07

    It really sounds like you are doing your best for her, mom. Don’t be so hard on yourself! I can remember feeling the very same way with my first child. But just remember, it’s okay if your child cries! She is learning a lesson each time you leave, and that is that you will not abandon her forever. When you come home and squeeze her tight, you can reassure her. So many times, once your are out of sight the child will calm down and be just fine. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking a few minutes–even hours–to yourself to recharge. We need that in order to be the best that we can for our kids.

  13. 2014-10-22 / 16:45

    It can be hard to find that balance of leaving and staying. You’ll figure out what’s best for your family! It’s different for all of us.

  14. 2014-10-22 / 21:05

    It’s hard to see your kids sad. I know at night my daughter will act up and not want to go to bed. I recently read that bedtime is hard because they see it as separation (a long one) and that’s why they resist. Knowing that helps me be more patient and give her the connection she needs before turning off the light.
    Very nice post. and I LOVE the design of your site, by the way. So crisp and classic. it’s beautiful 🙂

  15. Pingback: My Homepage
  16. Pingback: Rude Magic
  17. Pingback: more information
  18. 2016-06-04 / 20:39

    I just like the valuable information you supply to your
    articles. I’ll bookmark your weblog and check once more here frequently.
    I am quite certain I will be informed many new stuff proper right here!
    Best of luck for the following!

Leave a Reply