This is a bittersweet post for me. I knew that this day would come but I don’t think that I truly grasped just how emotional it would make me.
Is it okay to be sad and grieve the end of having babies – or am I just overreacting here?
There comes a time in your journey when you realize that your pregnancy days are over and that the next phase of motherhood begins.
It hit me last night… These are my last days of mothering a newborn baby.
I am officially done with having babies and the only evidence that is engraved on me is my C-section scar – a scar that will always symbolize my journey of motherhood.
So why does this suddenly feel like such a hard transition?
It is what I wanted but it still aches knowing that I am done having babies.
Each time I pack away the clothing items of my kids, I choke up a little.
Will this ache linger for a long time?
I had experienced so many different emotions during my last pregnancy. There were days when I couldn’t wait to meet my baby but at times I also mourned my soon to be empty womb that will never experience pregnancy again.
Where did time go?
I feel as if I barely had time to breathe and now my eldest is 5-years-old already.
All I have now are memories to hold on to. Newborn outfits, hospital bracelets and lots of pictures in a memory box.
The moments that I had been waiting for just flew by… Because I was so caught up thinking about how to wean my toddler of the breast and how to get my baby to sleep through the night that I totally forgot about how this isn’t going to last forever.
Sometimes we need to stop and take a step back to enjoy the little moments.
Before the first crawl becomes the last…
Before the slobber kisses become embarrassing…
And before they don’t want you to tuck them in bed anymore.
In the next two months, my last born will start solids and the next phase of my mothering journey begins for the last time.
That last time… Sometimes we don’t even know when it happens.
Without even realizing it, we are packing away baby toys and co-sleepers.
Can you remember the “last time” that you rocked your baby to sleep?
One day you are changing your newborn baby’s first dirty diaper and then a few years later, you are changing your toddler’s last dirty diaper without even comprehending it.
Last night, my 2-year-old called out to me before he came to bed, cuddled, and fell asleep on my chest. He stood in the hallway and screamed out: “Mommy” … A word that made my heart beat a little faster with excitement.
He had always called me “momma” but last night was different. It was his big boy voice and his pronunciation was different.
It made me think back to the moment that I brought him home for the first time.
His tiny feet and fingers…
With the craziness of motherhood, those moments escaped just as quickly as they arrived. But this also made me think about how I still have a whole of lot of firsts to experience with my kids.
One chapter of motherhood is almost over for me but there’s another one that is about to begin, and then another when my daughter starts pre-school next year.
The first day of school… The first report card and much more!
I may be jumbled up with emotions right now but I am excited to see my kids grow and see their personality’s shine.
Each milestone gives us a memory to treasure and a lesson to learn.
I may be done having babies but I am not done growing in motherhood.
I guess that it’s true when they say that letting go is the hardest part …but until you let go of the pain of the past, you cannot grasp the beauty of the future…