Dear first-time mom, I am sorry yet not so sorry for what I am about to say because I think you need to get a glimpse of what your sex life will be like for the next couple of months or… maybe even years?!
The truth is as a mom-to-be, you promise yourself that no matter what happens, you are going to have hot steamy sex with your partner almost every week after the doctor gives you the green light but once you have your baby you realize that post-birth virginity does exist.
It’s a topic that no one likes to discuss because it isn’t always pretty.
What are the biggest causes of a non-existent sex life for new parents?
Truth #1
The first couple of months will be the worst. You will feel as if you are stuck in a desert with no water or help.
The truth is it’s probably not going to feel so good at first. It might hurt. A lot. It might feel like you are ripping off a band-aid even if you didn’t have a natural birth.
For me, it felt like I was losing my virginity all over again, this time with a flabby stomach and engorged breasts. It was intense, hilarious and very unromantic.
Ever heard of the dry vagina? You might want to google it after reading this post because the reality is many new moms end up dealing with this because of hormones and breastfeeding. Lubrication might be the answer to your problem.
Truth #2
As much as I loved breastfeeding, I need to mention that it can also mess up your sex drive. You might not have the urge to get intimate at all. I don’t want to scare you but there are many of us who haven’t had sex for months because of this. Sex feels different after having a baby because your body has changed, and your hormones are all over the place. Your vagina doesn’t feel the same anymore. You might feel like your vagina got rearranged during birth. Don’t hate yourself for this.
Truth #3
Another thing is, your breasts will never feel the same again… They don’t belong to your partner anymore but your baby and don’t even let your partner try to stimulate them because you will most probably squirt out milk on him (unless he likes a milk facial) or end up with something called leaky boobs.
Truth #4
Sex won’t be spontaneous anymore because now you would need to schedule it to make sure you don’t get disturbed and trust me, there will be times where the baby will cry when you are on the job so getting busy for longer periods at a time might be a thing of the past until baby sleeps through the night. Quickies are your new best friend, let’s not forget trying to be quiet while you are busy.
Truth #5
The biggest reason that new parents don’t have sex is exhaustion! It’s a constant battle between sex and sleep… Sleep wins 9 out of 10 times!
Children are energy thieves, the more you have, the more they suck the life out of you. By the end of the day, all you want to do is put on your granny panties and oversized nightgown and sleep! The last thing on your mind is sexy lingerie, role-playing or sexy talk.
But at the end of the tunnel, there is always light…
Your vagina will bounce back and be ready for action. You will have sex again and when you do, it will be so good that you will end up falling pregnant again!
Hi, I’m Shan. I’m a wife, mom to 3 kids and a businesswoman who works from home and gets very little sleep at night. My days are filled with dirty diapers and toddler tantrums, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything else. I am in the Forbes 30 under 30 list for Forbes Africa 2019 and just recently launched my start-up – MomSays.
