Three kids is a lot harder than I thought…

The last 8 weeks have been a rollercoaster of emotions for me. Some days I am happy, while other days I am emotional, and feel as if I am being swallowed up by the earth.

Having three kids is hard – harder than I imagined – even with all the help that I have at home!

I don’t understand how anyone could say that it gets easier – because now it doesn’t seem like it. Even though I’ve only added about 50% more kid, it feels as if it is 500 times harder – especially when they all cry for my attention at once.

Could it be because my second born and last born only have a 21 month age gap?

Now I look back and think about how easy it was with one child… even two, and I regret all those blog posts I wrote about how challenging motherhood was for me with two kids because having three kids is on another level. I honestly don’t know how moms with more than three kids survive… because right now, I am barely coping and I am not ashamed to say it.

Support is what is helping me get through this transition… I don’t what I’d do without my family.

With three kids, time flies by without you even realizing it… It’s like the more kids you have, the less time you get.

There is never a moment of silence in the house.

I feel as if I am always playing referee.

The eldest one fights with the middle one and then the newborn baby starts to cry.

They all want to be carried at the same time.

Bath time and bed time feels like the marathon, sometimes I fall asleep without having dinner because I am so exhausted.

I don’t have time to comb my hair or take a long shower. I am always on the go – running errands, school trips, attempting to work, pumping breast milk, or breastfeeding my toddler and newborn when I finally take a seat to rest.

I keep telling myself that things will get better soon… but I am scared.

Scared of failing my kids!

I haven’t even attempted to take all three kids out all at once – I am not sure if I will survive it right now.

I am still trying to figure out how to fit three car seats in my backseat?

Having three kids is expensive especially if you have two kids in diapers. Thinking about school fees and buying a bigger car is already giving me a headache.

I am trying to work from home but it has been really challenging and that is the reason that I have hardly blogged. I don’t have the energy to.

I have thought about quitting blogging altogether… but then I think about how sane this platform keeps me. I can’t imagine life without writing but, somehow I feel as if I have been selfish to my kids.

I’m not giving any of the kids enough of my time.

I treasure one on one time with the kids because it rarely happens.

Some days feel overwhelming and some days feel as if I have it all together.

Breastfeeding two kids at the same time wasn’t something that I had planned to do but I am doing it. I guess that a lot of it has to do with guilt because I feel as if I am neglecting my middle child.

IS it possible to have a love hate relationship with breastfeeding?

My body doesn’t feel like mine anymore. I have two kids constantly fighting over my breasts. It’s exhausting.

My eldest is independent but there are moments where she feels neglected too – especially when I am breastfeeding the other two.

It has been a big adjustment for her too, mostly because she wanted a baby sister and not a baby brother.

It took her days to come around and bond with her baby brother.

I don’t regret having three kids but I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that it has been easy.

Some days I wish that I could spend the entire day in bed.

I started doubting myself as a mother again – the pressure of trying to be a good mom all the time is ridiculous. We are allowed to have bad days… bad weeks because it’s how we learn and pull ourselves together.

Guilt is my biggest problem right now.

I feel guilty because I am not spending enough time with my eldest… I feel guilty because I am not playing enough games with my middle child and I feel guilty because I am not bonding enough with my newborn baby. But that is life with 3 kids.

IT’s crazy, hard, and emotional but rewarding. It has taught me to appreciate the finer times and to maximize the times when you see them – times to talk, laugh, and bond together.

It’s chaotic now but I know that it will get better. The first year is always the hardest.