This post was written by my husband – Vije Vijendranath.
Dear wife, today I can’t accept your apology…
Because you have nothing to apologise for. Our lives have indeed changed since we had our first child but that is because of the decision that we made when we chose to have a family. We may be spending less time together now but that is okay because I know that one day we will be dining at fine restaurants, indulging in a 6 course meal, holding hands and reminiscing about the moments that we spent with our kids.
But I do have a confession… I’m not the person I used to be either. I have also changed and it is not your fault. I’m working more than I used to because I want to give my kids the best I can. I admit I spend more time on my computer than with you but that isn’t because I am escaping the world of parenting, it is because I am busy planning ahead for the future of our family.
Do you remember the times when we had the blissful playfulness that was the “couple life”? What about the innocence and simplicity of just getting ready and having fun till late at night?
Do you remember the time that we simply put on a movie that you insisted I should watch, and then you would fall asleep in my arms halfway through it? Those were simpler times… fun times… romantic times.
The change in our relationship is a choice that we both made and it is not your fault.
Our relationship has not changed for the worse. It is simply the natural evolution of our lives from carefree to responsible.
The day you birthed our daughter was the day that I saw you become a woman – and a strong one at that.
A woman I look at every day and admire for being so patient.
The one who smiles – even when she has only had 3 hours of sleep.
The one who makes me breakfast when she can barely keep her eyes open.
The one who irons my clothes even when she has to deal with a toddler tantrum.
The one that I’m falling in love with all over again because seeing you being a mom is a different kind of love.
You are no longer looking after your own needs but the needs of a new human being that came into our world, a human being that is both innocent and vulnerable.
You are no longer driven by selfish desires but driven by selflessness. You are now in an extended relationship that includes children. They require more attention, love and guidance as these early years are the most crucial in their development.
I am witnessing a purposeful life filled with love and laughter as we get to see amazing personalities grow before our eyes. There is no greater joy than seeing the dedication with which you attend to the needs of our children. I fully understand why our time and romance has taken a backseat but that’s only because we are building something so special, that it is worth the wait.
I should be apologising to you because I think that motherhood takes a lot more out of a woman’s body and emotions when compared to that of fatherhood. I can’t expect you to be back in that black dress so soon and that’s not the kind of pressure that I want to put on you. Your body has gone through two surgeries with a mark on your body that will remain for life.
I want you to know that you are perfect the way you are. Your stretch marks and your C-Section scar is another chapter in our story.
A chapter that made me a father.
A chapter that I will always be grateful for.
Therefore, with all the diaper changes, tantrums, interruptions, random stains, sore eyes, and frizzy hair, I wouldn’t worry so much about how our relationship used to be. I would gladly postpone our immediate needs so that you can focus on the wishes of our children and most of all your recovery.
I know that my bride is still there and she is not going anywhere. The priorities may have temporarily changed, but the goal of love and happiness remains. You are definitely not a bad wife and when I see you and the children under a safe roof, playing, resting and laughing, it’s really all I need.
By the way… I’m off to the store, do we need anything?
This post was a reply letter – To My Husband, now that I’m a Mom…