“Once upon a time I became yours & you became mine. And we’ll stay together through both the tears & the laughter… Because that’s what they call happily ever after.”
I woke up this morning next to a tiny person in my arms, a little body who kept me warm throughout the night but also reminded me of how much I am missing you already.
It’s starting to finally sink in…
This winter is going to be a different one because you won’t be here for the entire season! It’s not even a month since you left for New York and I’m already finding this difficult. I’m not used to being without you and I’m not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.
It isn’t easy being in love with you and not being able to see you every day. I feel incomplete, like a part of me is missing when we are not together.
The day you left for your exciting adventure, I waved goodbye with a smile on my face but deep down, my heart was telling me to pull you back and say “Stay with me”. Then my brain reminded me that I needed to be brave because you doing this for me, for our kids, for you, and for our future.
How do you explain to a 3-year-old that Daddy won’t be here for your birthday?
Sometimes we have to make sacrifices for the future of our kids even when our heart is sore and longing for the person we love.
It feels like we are dating all over again except this time – we have two kids who keep asking about their dad.
According to your daughter you are still on a flight to ERICA (America) and your son… well, he just says “Da-da”.
I know this isn’t going to be easy for the kids, they are going to question me all the time because they have no clue as to what you are trying to do and achieve. But years from now, when they reap the rewards – they will be thankful.
All they know right now is that you are not here.
We’ve come so far from the first day we met and built a business together that brought us even closer. New York was your dream come true. I didn’t plan to stop you from that because I knew you would do the same if it was for me.
Your dreams shouldn’t die when you marry someone instead it should expand with your partner until you finally build your empire.
But you being gone is harder than I expected!
The hardest part of being away from you is not been able to hug you on cold days like today, to kiss you goodnight and hold your hand whenever I want to.
The hardest part of you being away is not being able to see your son grow and talk more every day. You will return when he is a few days from being a year old.
The hardest part of you being away is you missing your daughter’s birthday – the one day she would have loved to spend with you the most.
I admire what you are trying to do but it also scares me. Should I be getting used to you not being around often?
I know you asked us to come with you and it was really hard saying no to you but I had to because it’s not just about you and me anymore. It’s about our kids and how difficult this process would be for them.
I know that things don’t make sense right now, and this letter may feel disjointed but honestly it is a reflection of the way I feel.
Our marriage has always been constant. We have our disagreements and our differences but we complement each other.
I did not know that the days grew longer when you are not around.
I did not know that missing you walking around in your dressing gown meant so much.
I did not realise that I’d miss the smell of your specialty coffees and your quirky humour.
I have taken so much for granted because I did not remember life without you.
I know that it’s only 3 months but right now that seems like forever.
I know that it’s not easy for you either.
I know that you want to hear Kiaan saying dada, and celebrate Kitana’s 4th birthday with her.
I know that we speak every minute – we skype and whatsApp but I miss you.
As clichéd as it may sound, “Every time you go away, you take a piece of me with you…”