Have you ever felt like you are suffocating in your own home?
Well… that is exactly how I felt on Saturday. It felt like the walls in my house were closing in on me.
I felt alone even in a room full of people.
No one told me how difficult the first 3 months of motherhood would be especially with a toddler and newborn.
I wanted everyone to think that I had it together but I really don’t. I’m tired of my routine; Cook. Feed. Work. Shower. Sleep. I don’t even feel the need to dress up anymore because I am always at home. Being a work from home mom was one of the best decisions I made but there are moments when I wish that I went to an office. Just for a change in routine.
Does that make me a bad mother?
We are afraid of messing up and because of this, we sometimes end up hiding our feelings under the layers of laundry and dishes.
I love my kids but I need to love myself too.
Somehow in this journey of motherhood, I forgot all about myself. I forgot about the stuff I wanted to do for ME. All that mattered were my kids, my husband AND what they needed. But deep down, I am unhappy … I craved for “ME” time. I felt guilty for even thinking about it.
The world expects you to keep it all together but the truth is there will be days when you will feel the weight of motherhood, so heavy that you will feel like you can barely breathe, no matter how MUCH you love your kids. You will feel like you are not doing enough and start doubting what you are capable of.
“How do I do this?” I asked myself.
I know that motherhood is worth it… but why doesn’t it always feel like that? I’m supposed to be enjoying every moment of motherhood but I am not.
I wake up feeling like a failure.
I feel so ungrateful.
I feel like I am on a never-ending rollercoaster; Up and down we go.
I’m happy. I’m sad.
I stumbled but how do I get back up again?
That night, I cried myself to sleep because I felt like life was overwhelming but when I woke up the next morning I realized that I have an amazing gift in front of me – my kids who give me strength.
I stared into my son’s eyes and remembered how precious this gift is. I may have forgotten about my dreams and goals during the last 3 months but I have learnt so much without realizing it. I have been taught by my kids about life unknowingly.
This ride is bumpy right now, but I believe it will get smooth because of this love.
It wasn’t them who put me in the back seat but it was ME. I never set aside the time needed for ME and what I wanted.
When Motherhood gets heavy…
- Remember to look in the mirror and admire yourself.
- Remember to SMILE and think about what makes you happy.
- Remember that it is okay to ask for help from family and friends.
- Remember that your husband is there and he can help you.
- Remember the love that gives you strength to wake up every morning and start the same routine again.
- Remember your personal dreams and goals.
- Remember that YOU are strong.
- Remember that none of us have perfect marriages and motherhood days.
- Remember that you are not ALONE.
Life may get hectic but sometimes it is important to take a step back and remember yourself in this journey.