Have you ever felt like you are suffocating in your own home?
Well… that is exactly how I felt on Saturday. It felt like the walls in my house were closing in on me.
I felt alone even in a room full of people.
No one told me how difficult the first 3 months of motherhood would be especially with a toddler and newborn.
It’s delightful.
It’s frightening.
It’s exhausting.
I wanted everyone to think that I had it together but I really don’t. I’m tired of my routine; Cook. Feed. Work. Shower. Sleep. I don’t even feel the need to dress up anymore because I am always at home. Being a work from home mom was one of the best decisions I made but there are moments when I wish that I went to an office. Just for a change in routine.
Does that make me a bad mother?
We are afraid of messing up and because of this, we sometimes end up hiding our feelings under the layers of laundry and dishes.
I love my kids but I need to love myself too.
Somehow in this journey of motherhood, I forgot all about myself. I forgot about the stuff I wanted to do for ME. All that mattered were my kids, my husband AND what they needed. But deep down, I am unhappy … I craved for “ME” time. I felt guilty for even thinking about it.
The world expects you to keep it all together but the truth is there will be days when you will feel the weight of motherhood, so heavy that you will feel like you can barely breathe, no matter how MUCH you love your kids. You will feel like you are not doing enough and start doubting what you are capable of.
“How do I do this?” I asked myself.
I know that motherhood is worth it… but why doesn’t it always feel like that? I’m supposed to be enjoying every moment of motherhood but I am not.
I wake up feeling like a failure.
I feel so ungrateful.
I feel like I am on a never-ending rollercoaster; Up and down we go.
I’m happy. I’m sad.
I stumbled but how do I get back up again?
That night, I cried myself to sleep because I felt like life was overwhelming but when I woke up the next morning I realized that I have an amazing gift in front of me – my kids who give me strength.
I stared into my son’s eyes and remembered how precious this gift is. I may have forgotten about my dreams and goals during the last 3 months but I have learnt so much without realizing it. I have been taught by my kids about life unknowingly.
This ride is bumpy right now, but I believe it will get smooth because of this love.
It wasn’t them who put me in the back seat but it was ME. I never set aside the time needed for ME and what I wanted.
When Motherhood gets heavy…
- Remember to look in the mirror and admire yourself.
- Remember to SMILE and think about what makes you happy.
- Remember that it is okay to ask for help from family and friends.
- Remember that your husband is there and he can help you.
- Remember the love that gives you strength to wake up every morning and start the same routine again.
- Remember your personal dreams and goals.
- Remember that YOU are strong.
- Remember that none of us have perfect marriages and motherhood days.
- Remember that you are not ALONE.
Life may get hectic but sometimes it is important to take a step back and remember yourself in this journey.
Hi, I’m Shan. I’m a wife, mom to 3 kids and a businesswoman who works from home and gets very little sleep at night. My days are filled with dirty diapers and toddler tantrums, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything else. I am in the Forbes 30 under 30 list for Forbes Africa 2019 and just recently launched my start-up – MomSays.
Sending you lots and lots of hugs xxxxx
I have definitely been there! Sometimes it just gets to be too much, but usually when that happens, my husband will take me on a date night or something to change up the routine and that helps a lot.
You absolutely need to make time for yourself. It makes you a better wife and a better mother if you get time to do what you need to do or just for fun. Without it I think we would all go a little crazy.
Ah, motherhood. One day it’s light as a feather. The next day, it’s as heavy as a stone. It’s always worth it, though.
Life gets heavy for all of us. Sometimes we just have to practice a little self care to find ourself lighter and feeling better.
I think this is a wonderful article for motherhood. It can span generations and cultures. Motherhood is no easy task!
This is simply beautiful and so accurate for moms. It is important that we don’t lose ourselves int he process of motherhood.
It can be overwhelming at times, but just think that not all are blessed to be a mother like you.
I can relate. I have good and bad days as well and some days I don’t get up and get dressed like I should, I just stumble into the office and before I know it most of the day went by and I am still in my pj’s. I need that little extra push some days and definitely am working on being more grateful for what I have.
I absolutely love this post…I think every mother can relate! It is so important to stop and remember the beauty of having kids and appreciating every moment.
I’ve been there too and I know life and motherhood would get me again one day but I know things would get better. That’s why acknowledging the gifts we have (our kids, family) is so important.
I can relate to you hun, I have 4 kids and it was really hard at first, IT’S STILL HARD! I used to feel guilty as well until someone pulled me aside and pointed out. When mom is happy, everyone is happy, That to me right there moved me enough to start going to the gym, bought a new wardrobe, went to Sephora and spent to much on much needed makeup lol. But you are still a beautiful women, just happened to become a loving mom is all.
I think every mother has been there are one time or another. It’s just a season and will pass. My daughter had her first baby and is dealing with some of that now.
motherhood can sometimes be very overwhelming that is why we ought to take a break as often as we can. we should also remember to love ourselves, pamper ourselves, and take that break when it is needed. if we are happy + thriving, we can be even better mums + wives.
These are great tips! Being a mom is really exhausting specially with your situation but just seeing your children healthy and happy is worthless.